Friday, March 2, 2012

For a very happy couple - Refresh your memory

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/happy-couples-what-it-takes-to-be-one Happy Couples: What It Takes to Be One Love alone won’t see you through, say the experts By Elizabeth Heubeck WebMD FeatureReviewed by Cynthia Dennison Haines, MDThe sight of a couple sharing a joke and walking hand in hand, their faces lined with wrinkles, and their hair gray, begs the question: How did they remain a happy couple for so many years? Given that about half of all first marriages for men and women under 45 end in divorce, it's a legitimate question. So at WebMD, we asked the experts to reveal the secrets of happy couples. Their revelations may surprise you. "It's not about how much you love each other, or how much money you have, or even if your personalities mesh," says Howard Markman, PhD, leading marriage researcher, co-director of the Center for Marital and Family Studies at the University of Denver, and author of Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love. Recommended Related to Sex & RelationshipsSharing Your Sex Fantasies With your Partner: Sizzler or Fizzler? You've been sharing a bed with the same partner for years. By now you know each other's sleeping habits inside and out, right down to the exact room temperature and sleeping position preferred. But how well do you know what it takes to turn on your partner? There's one way to find out -- by sharing your most intimate sex fantasies. An open exchange of erotic fantasies can help rekindle the flames -- or can they? Here's what sex experts say on the subject. Read the Sharing Your Sex Fantasies With your Partner: Sizzler or Fizzler? article > > Far more significant than these factors -- yes, even more important than heart-pounding lust, which, let's face it, often fades over time -- is communication, says Markman. How well you and your spouse communicate with another? The second most significant factor that happy couples share, he says, is a strong friendship. While you can't necessarily teach a couple how to be friends, you can teach good friends how to communicate better. Markman regularly tackles this task, using a research-based method derived from data that he and his colleagues at the University of Denver have collected over decades of systematically observing unhappy and happy couples. Happy Couples: Developing Healthy Habits Markman offers three important ingredients of happy couples: Avoid blowouts. "The first is to learn to talk without fighting about inevitable conflicts," Markman says. Making a concerted effort to see the other person's perspective, and avoiding the blame game of "she said" or "he did," goes a long way. When things appear to be hedging toward a blowout, Markman urges couples to do what parents often tell young children: Take a "time out." It's a tactic he calls "exiting out of destructive fighting." Recall the positive. As parents often ask a child stewing in the time-out corner what she could have done differently, Markman suggests that couples in conflict take time to consider what brought them together in the first place. Then, he says, make room for those factors in your life again. "You've got to protect and preserve those positive connections -- the friendship, the fun," Markman tells WebMD. These are aspects of marriage that happy couples keep intact. Look to the future. While turning the clock back can help couples rekindle lost connections, Markman urges couples to simultaneously look forward. "You've got to have a long-term vision of the future, shared dreams, and plans that represent a commitment to one another and your family," he says. Happy Couples: Addressing a Sexless Marriage That future, according to most marriage experts, should include a healthy sex life. While sex isn't everything to happy couples, sexual problems can lead to marital discord. That men and women tend to have different ideas about sex doesn't help matters. "Generally speaking, women tend to see sexuality as part of a larger construct. Men are exactly the opposite," says James E. Sheridan, a judge and founder of Marriages That Work, a nonprofit organization in Michigan that teaches instructional courses on how to strengthen marriages. "Women have to be in the mood. Men have to be in the room." Many times, misunderstandings over these differences lead to a break down in a healthy sexual relationship within a marriage, even among happy couples. The result, say experts, is a sexless marriage. Patti Britton, president of the American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, calls sexless marriages an "epidemic." She reports that many of the married clients she sees haven't had sex in 10 years. Adopt a business approach to improve sex. Seeing things from a business-like perspective helps couples reframe their sexual relationship. "I tell them, 'If this were a business, would you let it flounder like this?'" Britton says. Presenting sex in this light makes problems, and solutions, more concrete for couples. "By likening it [marriage] to a business mode -- with shared goals and missions; responsibilities, assets, and liabilities; and frequent business meetings -- things shift," Britton tells WebMD. Make honest assertions. To salvage their sex lives, some couples need to dig deeper. "Often, sex wasn't good in the first place. A big complaint for women is that foreplay is bad or nonexistent," Britton says. But this isn't easy for anyone to admit. "I do a lot of pushing for the truth," Britton tells WebMD. Some couples simply aren't prepared to tell, or hear, the truth. "A lot of couples fall out of it. It pushes too many buttons," she says. Happy Couples: Learning Financial Savvy The topic of family finances is another hot-button topic, even for happy couples. Delegate the task of budget balancer. Experts observe that most happy couples recognize that handling household finances should remain a singular task. "Only one person can work the checkbook. There can't be two CFOs," Sheridan tells WebMD. That doesn't mean, however, that the other partner should be kept in the dark about finances. Sheridan espouses making joint financial decisions, with just one person implementing. Start an emergency fund. He also strongly urges couples to plan for financial emergencies. This helps diffuse any potential blowups, such as who will sacrifice personal spending money when urgent house repairs must be funded. Every couple faces adversity, from slumps in their sex lives to bickering over the checkbook balance. But Markman believes that most married people can learn to become happy couples. "If both partners are motivated, they can turn things around," Markman tells WebMD. Published February 2007. Further Reading: Best Age to Marry Climbing I Married a Total Stranger ‘Idealizing’ Your Spouse Makes an Ideal Marriage Domestic Abuse-Home Treatment Domestic Abuse-Other Places To Get Help Domestic Abuse-Preparing For Your Appointment Domestic Abuse-Prevention See All Empty Nest Topics Top Picks Birth Control: Find What's Right for You Online Dating: More Success Than the Real Thing? Antidepressants: Sexual Side Effects and More Getting Intimate: Talking Together About ED Is Your Mouth Kissably Healthy? Find Out How Diabetes Affects A Woman's Sexual Health === http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=A0oG7mpx1VBPrAMAXhlXNyoA?p=For+a+happy+couple&fr2=sb-bot&fr=ie8 7 Secrets of Happy Couples Quotes - Daily Inspiration - Daily ... 7 Secrets of Happy Couples Quotes from Daily Inspiration - Daily Quote www.quotes-daily.com/2009/02/7-secrets-​of-happy-couples.html - Cached Be a Happy Couple - 5 Things Super Happy Couples Do - Redbook Daily rituals that build a stronger marriage. ... Lord knows this is not the sort of thing guys brag about. But my wife and I have a ridiculously happy marriage. www.redbookmag.com/.../super-happy-​couples-ll - Cached Happy Couples: What It Takes to Be One - WebMD - Better ... Experts reveal the secrets of happy couples. And their revelations may surprise you. www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/​features/happy-couples... - Cached More results from webmd.com » Happy Couples - EzineArticles Submission - Submit Your Best ... Most couples are looking for a happy relationship. Happiness is a state of mind that makes a person content. Happy couples have the key that enhances a solid ... ezinearticles.com/?Happy-​Couples&id=304437 - Cached Five Reasons Couples Stay Happy | eHow.com Most people want to find someone they can love and be happy with forever. However, couples split up and get divorced every day. This reality does not take away people ... www.ehow.com/info_8350067_five-reasons-​couples-stay... - Cached More results from ehow.com » Tips for How to be a Happy Couple - EzineArticles Submission ... To be a happy couple isn't easy, but the learning about it is quite simple. First, you have to know about what love is. And the second, you must practice it consistently. ezinearticles.com/?Tips-for-How-to-be-a-​Happy-Couple&id=... - Cached Happy Marriage - How to Have a Happy Marriage - Redbook Get the recipe for a happy marriage in these 'how to' tips, secrets, and quotes from experts — and real-life couples. www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/advice/​marriage/happy-marriage - Cached EastEnders set for a happy couple? - RTÉ Ten One of the characters in 'EastEnders' is to propose, but the path to the big day will reportedly not be a smooth one. The Mirror reports that Phil Mitchell (Steve ... www.rte.ie/ten/2011/0113/​eastenders.html - Cached Characteristics of Happy Couples | eHow.com We've all seen couples that just exude love and happiness. They seem so together and are practically always on the same wavelength. You probably wonder what their ... www.ehow.com/info_8242466_​characteristics-happy-couples.html - Cached 5 Things Super-Happy Couples Do Every Day My wife and I have a ridiculously happy marriage. Really, it's almost disgusting. www.webmd.com/.../5-things-super-happy-​couples-every-day - Cached == 5 Things Super-Happy Couples Do Every Day WebMD Feature from "Redbook" MagazineBy Ty Wenger Lord knows this is not the sort of thing guys brag about. But my wife and I have a ridiculously happy marriage. Really, it's almost disgusting. We paw each other in public. We goof around like a pair of simpletons. We basically act like giddy newlyweds in the middle of happy hour. Sometimes we'll do something so revolting, like sitting on the couch and drawing smiley faces on the bottoms of each other's feet, that we're forced to make hacking, gagging noises to maintain our dignity. Actually, this happened just last week. See, I told you it was disgusting. It hasn't always been this way. In fact, I'm not ashamed to admit that our current marital bliss is the result of almost a year of counseling, a desperate effort undertaken several years ago, when we appeared destined for doom. What we learned then is something all happy couples eventually discover: A good marriage is a bit like a pet boa constrictor: either you feed it every day or bad things happen. Daily habits are extremely helpful in forging solid marriages, says couples therapist Tina Tessina, author of How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free. "If you're really interested in making your relationship work, little rituals are a great way to do it." Want examples? Look no further than Tessina and her husband, Richard, who have developed an array of daily relationship builders during their 19 years of marriage: Every morning, they repeat their wedding vows to each other; they hold regular state-of-the-union meetings; and (my personal favorite) Tina routinely leaves Post-it Notes for Richard ("Hi, honey! Have a great day!") stuck to the underside of the toilet seat (think about it). "Every marriage has what I call a relationship reservoir, or the stored-up emotional energy of the relationship," says Tessina. And although these daily habits are all very simple things, they help fill that reservoir. When there's a lot of positive energy there, you give each other a little pat on the butt or say, "I'm so glad I'm sharing my life with you," and you're storing it up. Then when the relationship is under stress, you'll have the energy you need to get through. We asked happy couples across the United States to tell us about marriage-strengthening solutions they've developed. Try your hand at incorporating a few into your daily life and maybe you can be as ridiculously, embarrassingly, revoltingly happily married as I am. Want to know the one thing that's most important to a successful marriage? That's easy. Walk up to your husband and surprise him with this one-question relationship quiz: You: "Honey, what do you think is the one thing most important to a successful marriage?" continued... Him: "Umm, uh did you say something?" And, well, there you have it. Happily married couples typically say their relationships work better when they can sit down and gab one-on-one, like thinking, feeling adults. But who's got time for that? Actually, anybody who sleeps at night, if you follow the lead of Julie and Thom and their nightly visits to their "igloo." "It all started one winter night years ago, when Julie had had a really bad day," says Thom, 33, a marketing director in Columbus, Ohio. "We were huddled under the covers of our bed, and Julie was describing how all the people who made her day miserable were 'bad polar bears' and how she didn't want any of the bad polar bears coming into the bedroom and how the bed was our refuge from them. You realize how embarrassing it is to admit this, right? Anyway, that's when we started calling the bed the igloo." "The igloo is a place to retreat to," says Julie, 31. "It's our little sanctuary; only nice things happen in the igloo." Eventually Julie and Thom began holding a powwow in the igloo at the end of every day, making a nightly excursion that Julie says has become a vital part of their five-year marriage. "It's funny, because I always thought that when you lived with somebody, you'd automatically know everything that was going on," she says. "But we find that if we don't take that time to connect with each other, it's really easy for life to get in the way. The igloo offers one of the few times in the day where there's not a whole heck of a lot else going on, so you're able to focus on each other in a deeper way." Of course, you don't need to christen major pieces of furniture with cute nicknames to improve the communication in your marriage. You simply have to set aside a few minutes every day to remind each other of why you got married in the first place. And there are as many ways to do that as there are marriages in America. Lori and Joe, who are happily married in Philadelphia, have a nightly ritual they call crook time. That's when Lori cuddles up in the "crook" of Joe's shoulder and they talk. "The name's a little sappy," Lori admits, "but it's always a nice way for us to catch up." Every night, Angie and Bob walk their pet Chihuahua, Chachi, through the streets of Brookline, Massachusetts. In addition to keeping Chachi from picking dogfights he could never win ("He has a bit of a Napoleon complex," Bob says), they use the time to strengthen their 11-year marriage. It may be going a bit far to emulate Tim and Jill, a Connecticut couple who somewhat sheepishly admit that they check in with each other from work "six, maybe seven times a day," Tim says, "sometimes a dozen times when we're really being crazy." (Jill says, slightly more defiantly, "He's just my best friend, and our marriage is a great partnership, and there's no one I'd rather talk to.") continued... Then again, if you've been married 10 years and still want to talk to each other 10 times a day, you must be doing something right. Back when you were 14 years old, you probably figured that once you got married, you'd have sex just about every day. (Well, maybe teenage girls don't think that way. But let me tell you, 14-year-old boys sure do.) And why not? Sex is free. It's fun. And it doesn't require the purchase of any equipment, besides the occasional bottle of vegetable oil and about 20 feet of nylon rope. But as they get older, most couples realize that having sex every night isn't possible, let alone a worthy goal. Indeed, a 1994 University of Chicago survey of Americans' sexual habits found that only about a third of adults have sex more than once a week. Granted, that number might have been higher if all the couples having sex more frequently had stopped to take the surveyor's phone call, but clearly, sex for most married couples is far from a daily reality. That doesn't mean, though, that you can't at least talk sexy every day, and that's the approach that Ed and Stephanie have taken in the more than six years they've been together. "It's funny," says Ed, a 33-year-old San Francisco cab driver, "because we know plenty of married couples who fight, a lot, about how often they have sex. The wife's upset because all he ever wants to do is have sex; the husband's upset because he doesn't think they have sex enough. But this has never really been a problem with us, and I think it has a lot do with the fact that we're always talking sexy to each other." "Absolutely," says Stephanie, a 32-year-old massage therapist. "We're always complimenting each other, tossing out fantasies, telling each other we're hot. He gets to feel like he can have sexual feelings, and I feel like I don't have to have sex all the time to appear attractive. "Let's put it this way: The way I see it, sex is like chocolate cake. After five days of eating chocolate cake, even chocolate cake doesn't taste that great." "Right," Ed says, "but after five days of talking about chocolate cake?" "That cake tastes damn good." Eavesdrop on a conversation between Bob and Angie concerning their favorite shared pastime. "We are so disgusting. This is so pathetic. It's like a sickness." "But it makes us happy!" "It's so stupid it makes us laugh." "We're yelling at people. High-fiving each other." "Look, we get a kick out of it because it's so ridiculous. It's our guilty pleasure." Forgive them if they seem somewhat shy, but they're merely ashamed to admit that the daily ritual that brings such joy to their 12-year marriage is none other than reality TV. That's right. They lived and died with Survivor. They've adopted Big Brother. Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? They do. Not to mention TemptationIsland, The Weakest Link, The Real World, Chains of Love, Fear Factor, The Mole (yes, really, The Mole). continued... "Honestly, I think we just need to be dumb for a while," says Bob, 37, a shoe designer for Reebok in Boston. "We're both very into our careers. And when you're at work, with any job there's going to be a certain amount of professional stress. You like to come home sometimes and, for that lousy hour or whatever, kick back and relax." Or as Angie, 36, a marketing executive, says, "Life is serious enough, isn't it? Sometimes you need to do something stupid. And if you can't be stupid with your husband, who can you be stupid with? So hold on, then: Is domestic joy found in partners smothering each other in obsessive daily rituals ("Honey, don't forget, at 7:15 we have our nightly cuddle, followed by the affirmation of our vows, our 7:35 spontaneous flirtation, and then, of course, a new episode of Moesha at eight")? Hardly. In fact, Tessina says that sleepwalking through a series of hollow routines (although probably an apt description of your day job) is worse for your marriage than having no routines at all. The solution, she says, is to also make a daily habit of getting away from each other. "You know that old saying, 'How can I miss you if you don't go away?'" Tessina asks. "Doing things separately gives you a chance to fill in the blanks that your partner can't fill in for you, for example, one of you likes classical music, the other one likes sports. Plus, taking a break from each other gives you more things to talk about, because when you're joined at the hip, what's to talk about? You've already seen it all." The point, naturally, is not to make space for each other in that I-can't-wait-to-get-away-from-you sort of way but to pursue your own hobbies and interests. It's a distinction that Joe tried hard to make to Lori during their delicate pre-engagement negotiations four years ago. "As a woman, you get this message that when you get married, you spend every single waking second with your husband and you're so unbelievably happy," says Lori, 34. "And my parents actually do spend every single waking second together, and oddly enough, they are happy. So that's how I grew up thinking you were supposed to be. But when I told him this, Joe was like, 'I-don't-think-so.'" "Because I watched my parents," says Joe, 29, whose parents divorced when he was 22, "and yeah, they spent every moment together, but they spent every moment together at each other's throats." "So Joe had to convince me that having our own lives was a good idea," Lori explains. "I'm thankful he did." These days Lori and Joe are practically poster children for the power of independence. Joe, who works for a nonprofit agency, spends his nights taking painting classes, building youth centers, and recording his guitar sessions. Lori, a college professor, spends hers directing community-theater musicals and indulging in trashy movies on cable television, a passion that Joe (go figure) doesn't seem to share. continued... "It all brings a freshness to our marriage because we both continue to grow as people," Joe says. "Plus," says Lori, "getting out of the house and out of each other's hair keeps us from going crazy." And — we asked the experts, so we know — going crazy is definitely not one of the secrets of a happy marriage. In another University of Chicago survey, this one of married couples, 75 percent of the Americans who pray with their spouses reported that their marriages are "very happy" (compared to 57 percent of those who don't). Those who pray together are also more likely to say they respect each other, discuss their marriage together, and — stop the presses — rate their spouses as skilled lovers. Not to say that prayer is a cure for all that ails you (were that the case, my beloved Oakland Raiders would have won the Super Bowl years ago). But whether they're talking about a simple grace at dinnertime or some soul-searching meditation, couples routinely say that a shared spiritual life helps keep them close. And as Doug and Beth say, even couples who are on different sides of the theological fence can benefit from praying together daily. "We have been married for seven years, but praying together is something we didn't start doing until about a year ago," says Doug, a 32-year-old Salt Lake City biochemist. "In the past, whenever we faced big decisions, we'd have discussion after discussion about them, but we'd never really come to a resolution." After two 1,000-mile moves, the birth of three children, and two job changes, all in the past four years, those difficult decisions had begun to take a toll. So when Beth asked Doug, a nonreligious and self-proclaimed man of science, to try praying with her, he figured they had nothing to lose. "I soon found that praying together brings out a real sense of selflessness and humility," Doug says. "When you're praying for each other, not yourself, you're focused together and speaking from the heart on a whole different level. I would never have predicted this for us, but it really works." "As bad as any problem may seem at that moment," agrees Beth, "prayer always helps us see beyond it. It doesn't have to be a long-drawn-out scripture reading, just a few minutes a day. When we pray, it brings another level of honesty to our conversations. I think it's the most intimate thing you can do with another person." Now they pray together every night, once the "urchins" are in bed, which puts them in the company of the 32 percent of American married couples who say they pray together regularly. It also puts them in the company of Julie and Thom, when the other couple isn't holed up in their igloo, of course. continued... "It's pretty short and not at all scripted," says Julie about their giving thanks before each meal. "We just join hands and let it rip. Whether we're asking for forgiveness or giving thanks, saying it out loud holds a lot of power. "Besides, regardless of religion or spiritual preference, I think that most marriages require a ton of faith," Julie sums up. "You've got to believe that somehow the two of you are going to make it through things. You've got to believe that you're being blessed with this person. And even if the power we feel just comes from the strength of our love, even if we don't believe that it's God who is helping us, I still think that it's good to acknowledge that there's a force between the two of us that's helping us out." Originally published on November 17, 2001 Related content on redbookmag.com Sex Secrets of Really Happy Couple 25 Ways to Get Connected What Your Body Language Says About Your Relationship What a Friend's Divorce Means for Your Marriage The Secrets Couples Keep

Scuze obisnuite pentru a insela; Semne ca relatia ta se apropie de final; Inainte de divort

http://www.aaparut.ro/lifestyle/scuze-obisnuite-pentru-a-insela/9190 Autor Annie Body pe 30 martie, 2011 02:30 PM | Fun, LIFE&STYLE Scuzele sunt doar cuvinte. Nici o justificare, nici un motiv evident Cu toate ca nu exista nici o justificare pentru inselat, cand partenerul tau infidel iti serveste o scuza pentru acest lucru, nu este decat o cale personala de a-si justifica comportamentul si de a se simti mai comod cu ideea de inselat. Motivul pentru care partenerul te-a inselat probabil este unul pe care nu il vei stii sigur niciodata. Nu exista raspunsuri simple la asa ceva. Exista insa o multime de scuze date de cei care inseala. Nu esti tu de vina Daca partenerul tau te-a inselat, va trebui sa realizezi ca nu esti tu de vina, nu citesti minti si chiar daca voi doi faceti parte din aceeasi casnicie, partenerul este cel care a facut pasul spre infidelitate. Oamenii infideli sunt egoisti. Este mai usor pentru ei sa insele si sa plece decat sa lucreze la casnicia lor. Nu face o obsesie din scuze Nu face obsesie din scuzele pe care le poti auzi de la partenerul tau infidel. Acestea sunt doar cuvinte si justificari pentru durerea pe care o simti tu. Indiferent de motivele invocate pentru a fi necredincios, rezultatul este ca te-a inselat. O aventura nu inseamna sfarsitul unei casnicii Asta nu inseamna ca mariajul tau a esuat. Nu inseamna neaparat ca mariajul tau are nevoie de ajutor. Faptul ca mariajul tau va supravietui sau nu infidelitatii va depinde in cazul in care amandoi sunteti dispusi sa cautati consiliere si sa mergeti mai departe. Iata cateva scuze comune pentru “Casnicia noastra s-a incheiat” : -casatoria noastra s-a incheiat inainte sa te insel -nu mai suntem cum eram inainte -nu te mai iubesc -nu ne-am potrivit niciodata -ma simt captiv(a) -nu am dorit niciodata sa ma casatoresc -nu vreau sa traiesc asa -te iubesc ca pe o sora/un frate -am vrut sa schimb ceva in mariaj pentru a fi mai bine -meriti ceva mai bun -credeam ca nu ma mai iubesti -m-ai lasat sa cred ca te-am parasit -nu te-am iubit niciodata -casnicia noastra este plictisitoare Cateva scuze pentru “Este vina ta“: -ti-am zis ani de zile de ce sunt nefericit(a), insa nu ai facut nimic -muncesti prea mult -credeam ca o sa te schimbi -nu ma mai asculti/nu imi mai dai atentie -nu esti bun(a) la pat -te-ai ingrasat -ti-ai tuns parul -insisti atat de mult pe sex incat nu mai este atragator -nu ai fost alaturi de mine cand am avut nevoie Cateva scuze din categoria “Este vina mea“: -nu are nici o legatura cu tine -nu esti tu de vina, sunt eu -sunt nefericit(a) -am nevoie de spatiu -nu stiu ce sa fac cu viata mea/sunt dezorientat(a) -nu te-am inselat inainte dar acum s-a intamplat -ceilalti m-au impins catre asta si nu am vrut sa pic de fraier(a) -am probleme -nu stiu de ce am facut, nu era planuit -nu ma asteptam sa fiu prins(a) -am o criza a varstei -nu sunt fericit(a). nu mai sunt fericit(a) de ani -nu am vrut niciodata sa te ranesc -este in natura mea sa insel -este o chestie obisnuita de-a baietilor Scuze evidente ca si cum “iarba este verde“: -am nevoie sa fac sex si cu alte persoane. nu pot sa fac asta tot restul vietii numai cu tine. -sexul este incredibil. cu tine niciodata nu a fost atat de bun. -vreau sa infiintez o trupa rock si o sa fiu plecat mult timp. nu ar fi corect pentru tine. -este o dependenta. -nu pot sa fac nimic in sensul asta. -nu inseamna nimic. -pur si simplu s-a intamplat. -el/ea avea o casnicie nefericita si am simtit un gol emotional in viata lui/ei -suntem doar prieteni -eram curios(oasa) cum este sexul cu o alta persoana Pe aceeasi tema: 1.6 sfaturi pentru o relatie la distanta 2.Afla cine va insela primul in relatia ta! 3.Sfaturi pentru o viata de cuplu mai fericita 4.Infidelitatea – cum te recuperezi emotional 5.Intrebari pe care ar trebui sa ti le pui inainte de divort Etichete: barbati, cupluri, divorturi, familie, relatii, sfaturi cuplu, viata cuplu === Semne ca relatia ta se apropie de final Autor Annie Body pe 22 martie, 2011 05:15 PM | DIVERS, Love & Sex Semne Despartire Exista patru semnale pe care ar trebui sa le stie oricine pentru a evita o catastrofa cand este vorba de relatii. De obicei ele apar rapid una dupa alta si decurg conform tehnicii bulgarelui de zapada. Tensiunile se acumuleaza iar pe masura trecerii atmosfera poate deveni din ce in ce mai apasatoare. In urma a multi ani dedicati studiului relatiilor de dragoste si casniciei s-au determina patru semnale care te avertizeaza ca o relatie serioasa se apropie de sfarsit. Critica In toate cuplurile exista discutii aprinse iar plangerile fata de comportamentul partenerului devin din ce in ce mai frecvente si inevitabile. Cand o banala acuzatie “cheltui prea multi bani” se transforma in “esti un mare egoist”, deja problema incepe sa se cronicizeze. Atacul asupra comportamentului partenerului este perceput ca si un atac asupra personalitatii si caracterului sau. Dispret Dupa criticile aduse caracterului partenerului, insultele intentionate si hartuirea verbala sunt urmatoarele trepte in ruperea relatiei. Nu este uman si nici normal sa-ti acuzi partenerul ca este egoist, dar poate fi si mai rau daca-l numesti “porc iresponsabil”, de exemplu. Daca unul dintre parteneri incepe sa arunce insulte, celalalt va raspunde prin cuvinte sau prin limbajul trupului. Multi dintre noi am participat la momente in care unul dintre parteneri povesteste despre succesele sale iar celalalt isi da ochii peste cap aratand o ironie vizibila. Defensiva Amandoi partenerii au o pozitie defensiva si, considera ei, rezonabila. Fiecare simte ca e o victima si isi face griji din cauza acestei stari. Oricine se simte amenintat are o reactie naturala atunci cand se intreaba de ce partenerul isi varsa nervii pe celalalt mai ales ca este nevinovat. Toate acestea conduc catre replici date in mod incontrolabil de la un partener la altul pana cand acestia nu mai sunt atenti la spusele celuilalt. Ridicarea zidului de piatra Obositi de cearta nesfarsita, incetati amandoi cu discutiile contradictorii respingand total aceasta idee ca manifestare umana. Daca partenerul incearca sa te provoace ii raspunzi “da, ca intotdeauna, ai dreptate” si te afunzi intre paginile ziarului. Unul incepe cearta, iar celalat intoarce spatele si iese. Zidul nu mai poate fi daramat decat foarte greu, iar sfarsitul este inevitabil. Pe aceeasi tema: 1.Semne ca esti indragostita 2.12 greseli pe care le poti face intr-o relatie de lunga durata 3.6 sfaturi pentru o relatie la distanta 4.Intrebari pe care ar trebui sa ti le pui inainte de divort http://www.aaparut.ro/diverse/semne-ca-relatia-ta-se-apropie-de-final/8818 == Intrebari pe care ar trebui sa ti le pui inainte de divortAutor Annie Body pe 26 martie, 2011 04:11 PM | DIVERS, Love & Sex intrebari divort Decizia de a divorta este o decizie critica in viata unui om, cu consecinte ce pot ramane pe tot restul vietii. Problemele conjugale, suferinta sau frustrarea partenerilor nu sunt neaparat motive de divort. Vom urmari niste intrebari pe care oricine ar trebui sa si le puna inainte de a face pasul catre divort. Este bine ca aceste intrebari sa fie urmarite in momentele critice ale casniciei de catre ambii parteneri, ca un cuplu. Daca hotarasti ca divortul este cea mai buna cale, partenerul ar trebui sa fie si el convins de asta. 1. Mai ai inca sentimente pentru partener? Sentimentele tale in timp fata de partener pot sa dispara sau doar sa se estompeze. Te poti simti fara puteri in fata problemelor casniciei si din aceasta cauza apropierea emotionala sa dispara. Daca mai ai inca sentimente de dragoste si afectiune pentru partener, atunci ar trebui sa te concentrezi asupra partii emotionale a relatiei inainte de a lua o decizie radicala. Nu ai vrea sa iei aceasta decizie intr-un moment de slabiciune emotionala si apoi sa realizezi ca ai facut o greseala. Daca inca mai sunt sentimente, terapia pentru cupluri este foarte benefica si te salveaza de la un dezastru. 2. A fost o casnicie adevarata? In cazul in care casnicia ta nu a fost altceva decat doi oameni care locuiesc impreuna insa isi vad separat de propriile necesitati, atunci divortul nu este ceva surprinzator. Casatoria este o uniune intre partenerii unui cuplu care isi dau interesul pentru binele relatiei. Daca nu exista nici un “cuplu”, ci doar doua persoane care lupta fiecare pentru propriile nevoi si interese, atunci este un moment bun pentru o schimbare a dinamicii cuplului sau pentru a pleca fiecare pe calea sa. 3. Iti doresti cu adevart un divort sau il folosesti ca o amenintare? Esti furioasa pe sotul tau si il ameninti cu divortul din cauza problemelor si frustrarilor din casnicie? Folosesti aceasta amenintare ca o metoda de a il determina pe partenerul tau sa faca precum doresti sau pentru a detine puterea in cuplu? Crezi ca procedand astfel vei capta atentia partenerului si te va lua in serios? Daca amenintarea este solutia pe care ai gasit-o, este posibil sa esueze. Cu siguranta ai nevoie de terapie pentru a-ti rezolva problemele. Decizia divortului trebuie luata cu maturitate si responsabilitate. 4. Decizia de a divorta este bazata pe o reactie emotionala sau in cunostinta de cauza? Daca esti pregatita pentru un divort, va trebui sa lasi deoparte orice atasament emotional pe care il ai pentru sotul tau. Decizia de a divorta intr-un moment de complesire emotionala nu rezolva problemele, in schimb poate genera la randul sau alte probleme si poate provoca suferinta atat pentru tine cat si pentru partener. Trebuie sa iti poti privi partenerul ca o parte independenta ce merita respect chiar si in timpul unui proces de divort. Daca nu poti face acest lucru, atunci procesul de divort va fi presarat de frustrari, furie si neincredere. 5. Care este motivul pentru care divortezi? Speri ca divortul il va face pe partener sa te trateze mai bine? Poate ca el va realiza ca a pierdut si va face schimbarile pe care tu ti le doreai. Daca da, atunci vei divorta din motive gresite. Divortul va scoate doar la ivela un conflict, nu il va rezolva. Tot ceea ce va face un divort va fi sa incheie casnicia ta si sa va desparta ca familie. Daca iti doresti o schimbare in dinamica dintre tine si sotul tau, atunci divortul nu este ceea ce iti doresti. Odata divortata, partenerul este liber sa inchege legaturi emotionale cu alte persoane. Daca acest lucru este suparator, gandeste-te de doua ori inainte sa iei o decizie. 6. Te-ai gandit la consecintele negative ale divortului? Divortul poate provoca pierderi asupra viselor si scopurilor stabilite in viata la moentul respectiv. Chiar daca esti optimista si convinsa ca este ceea ce iti doresti, tot vei avea nevoie mai tarziu de sustinere si ajutor in lupta si stresul asociate divortului. Va trebui sa faci fata suferintei copiilor sau a altor persoane afectate de aceasta decizie. Nu lasa ca suferinta ta provocata de divort sa ii afecteze si pe cei din jur. 7. Esti capabila sa actionezi intr-un mod matur dupa divort? Atitudinea ta va determina ce fel de viata vei avea dupa divort. Vei fi puternica, iti vei asuma responsabilitati si vei lasa orice urma de regret? Sau vei ramane cu o atitudine amara, plina de resentiment si vinovatie? Atitudinea cu care alegi sa traiesti va arata nu numai tipul de divort pe care il ai, dar si calitatea vietii pe care o vei avea dupa acest pas semnificativ.

CUM SI UNDE SA-MI GASESC SUFLETUL PERECHE


CUM SI UNDE SA-MI GASESC SUFLETUL PERECHE

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CUM SI UNDE SA-MI GASESC SUFLETU PERECHRE ? (JUMATATEA ... ... al treilea eu cred ca aveti o problema serioasa si nu stiu cum puteti cere ca barbatii sa fie onesti cu dumneavoastra. Cea mai buna ... mea experienta de viata pot spune ca va exprimati groaznic).Cum va intelegi cu barbatii?Va inteleg ce vreti sa le transmiteti pentru ca ati spus ca vorbiti cu ei pe ... www.kudika.ro/comentarii/articol/41557/​CUM-SI-UNDE-SA-MI... - Cached === Ar fi bun un anunt matrimonial? Cum sa sune?

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Cum gasesc cea mai buna fata sa fie a mea si eu al ei ca sot si sotie pe viata cu fericire?

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The Science of Love

http://news.sciencemag.org/sciencenow/2012/02/live-chat-the-science-of-love.html ... 3:06 Dr. Diane Witt: Love is a hypothetical construct with many interpretations and many dimensions. Social attachment is an essential component of love and understanding how an attachment forms and is maintained is the subject of much current research in the field of neurobiology. In fact, social neuroscience is now a newly established subdiscipline. Love and social attachments are usually involved in reproduction but it is also involved in a sense of safety and reduction in anxiety. Brain reward pathways are of particular interest. Thursday February 9, 2012 3:06 Dr. Diane Witt 3:06 Marc Bekoff: Current research on love in animals shows clearly that individuals of many diverse species form long and enduring social bonds and that they grieve the loss of loved ones very deeply. It's not that difficult to see this in many animals. And it's real love not "love". Thursday February 9, 2012 3:06 Marc Bekoff 3:09 [Comment From Dianalindsay@gmail.com Dianalindsay@gmail.com : ] What impact do the love chemicals have on the immune system and our innate power to heal? Thursday February 9, 2012 3:09 Dianalindsay@gmail.com 3:09 Dr. Diane Witt: The strengthening of reward pathways and reduction in stress levels have positive effects on the immune system. Thursday February 9, 2012 3:09 Dr. Diane Witt 3:11 [Comment From Diana McGuinness Diana McGuinness : ] Is the devastating pain of heartbreak a necessary effect of love (what goes up must come down) or is there an evolutionary basis for it? Do other mammals feel ( ie display symptoms of) heartbreak as acutely as humans do? Do polyamorous mammals display symptoms of heartbreak or jealousy? Thursday February 9, 2012 3:11 Diana McGuinness 3:12 Marc Bekoff: It's known that individuals of many different species display deep grief and heartbreak. Jane Goodall among others have seen animals, in her case chimpanzees, show radical changes in behavior after a loved one dies, the best example being Flint, a young chimpanzee who died soon after his mother Flo died. I've also seen first hand grief in wild elephants. There's also some compelling new research on chimpanzees that shows deep mourning, I've also seen this in birds. So, there can be no doubt that other animals grieve and show heartbreak. I've written about this in a number of essays on my blog in Psychology Today. Thursday February 9, 2012 3:12 Marc Bekoff 3:13 [Comment From Kim Kim : ] Are there differences between male and female brain activity for love? Can you differenciate between sexual love and emotional love? Thursday February 9, 2012 3:13 Kim 3:13 Dr. Diane Witt: Many of the neural substrates for love are laid down during the early developmental stages of life at the same time that gender differences are being established. So gender differences in stress responsivity plays a major role in subsequent responses to social bonding. Thursday February 9, 2012 3:13 Dr. Diane Witt 3:15 [Comment From Jason H Jason H : ] What examples of love and other emotions do we see in animals other than humans? Thursday February 9, 2012 3:15 Jason H 3:15 Marc Bekoff: Many nonhumans display love and other emotions. These include joy, happiness, grief, jealousy, envy, embarrassment, and disgust. A good place to look for the latest data on animal emotions would be my books The Emotional Lives of Animals and The Animal Manifesto and also on my Psychology Today blogs. We know know that mice, rats, and chickens display empathy and the list of "surprises" is growing rapidly and when I think of how many animals live in large social groups they aren't surprises at all. Thursday February 9, 2012 3:15 Marc Bekoff 3:17 [Comment From Novem Novem : ] Are humans a monogamous species? I've heard a friend describe humans as serial monogamists while others have argued that humans are polygamous. What does the science say? Thursday February 9, 2012 3:17 Novem 3:17 Dr. Diane Witt: It depends on how you define monogamy. Current research focuses on selective social affiliation and attachment, but this might not necessarily mean sexual monogamy. ... 3:24 [Comment From Niki Niki : ] Do you believe there is a biological basis for non-monogamy? Thursday February 9, 2012 3:24 Niki 3:24 Dr. Diane Witt: There is ample evidence in a number of species that differences in neurochemicals and their receptors in the brain differ in their distributions in key brain areas that drive mechanisms underlying a suite of behaviors for monogamy and nonmonogamy. Monogamous and nonmogomous species behaviors include those associated with reproduction, social attachment and parental behavior. Thursday February 9, 2012 3:24 Dr. Diane Witt 3:27 [Comment From Cygnata Cygnata : ] Are there strong correlations between pheremonal responses and those attributed to love? In other words, do animal relationships that seem to include a high amount of emotional attachment also seem to be more strongly influenced by pheromones? Thursday February 9, 2012 3:27 Cygnata 3:27 Marc Bekoff: Many nonhumans use pheromones in all sorts of social communication and odor is often the most salient sense in their social encounters including strong social attachments that we can call love. Unfortunately, our noses aren't as sensitive as theirs and we lose all sorts of important information because of this. There's a large literature especially in rodents about the role of odor in courtship and bond formation that's readily available on the web. Your question is an important one because if we're to study other animals we need to know about their sensory capacities and not assume they're just like us, for they're not. Thursday February 9, 2012 3:27 Marc Bekoff 3:29 [Comment From Christopher Beattie Christopher Beattie : ] What role do the hippocampus and amygdala play, if any, in love and affection in animals? Thursday February 9, 2012 3:29 Christopher Beattie 3:29 Dr. Diane Witt: Yes the hippocampus plays an important role in social recognition and the amygdala is part of the limbic system that plays a role in reward pathways ensuring reinforcement of bonds, selective aggressive and defense behavors in mate guarding, and associated parental behavior. So these areas are key for the initiation and maintenance for social bonding and the expression of associated behaviors. Thursday February 9, 2012 3:29 Dr. Diane Witt 3:32 [Comment From Kathi Kowalski Kathi Kowalski : ] Following up on the heartbreak question--The examples cited deal with grief when a loved one dies. On the flip side, are there examples in the animal kingdom of one partner breaking up with another, thus causing heartbreak int he other partner? Thursday February 9, 2012 3:32 Kathi Kowalski 3:32 Marc Bekoff: This is a very good question. Of course it's hard to know what the term "breaking up" means (even in humans!) but we do see on occasion musical partners within a group and moping and grief being displayed by the individual who's dissed. Often it's hard to know what the former of lover is experiencing because they leave their group. On the other hand, because the integrity of a group such as a pack of wolves or coyotes depends on the number of individuals who are there to defend food, territory, or youngsters we see a rapid recovery because all the individuals are needed for the survival of the group. So, yes, heartbreak is deeply felt for nonhumans as it is for (some) humans. Thursday February 9, 2012 3:32 Marc Bekoff ... 3:35 [Comment From Amanda Amanda : ] You spoke earlier of gender differences playing a part in social bonding. Do you mean social differences or biological ones? Thursday February 9, 2012 3:35 Amanda 3:35 Dr. Diane Witt: Both. Parental behaviors (social differences) that differ as a function of the sex of the offspring in addition to biological differences during development may impact reponsivity to social encounters and behaviors in adulthood. Thursday February 9, 2012 3:35 Dr. Diane Witt 3:39 [Comment From Karin K. Karin K. : ] Does there seem to be a difference between how captive animals vs. non-captive animals feel and express love? Thursday February 9, 2012 3:39 Karin K. 3:39 Marc Bekoff: There really isn't that much difference in how love is expressed except in captivity animals are often handled and moved around as if they're unfeeling objects and they display deep grief when close friends and loved ones are taken from them. This is one of the main problems with zoos because animals are moved around as if their objects for profit with little to no concern for how they feel about being separated from close friends. There are many examples about which I write in my books and on Psychology Today. Thursday February 9, 2012 3:39 Marc Bekoff 3:42 [Comment From Rhoda Rhoda : ] Do you think that mirror neurons play an important role in social bonding or pair bonding? Does that role differ between humans and other animals? Thursday February 9, 2012 3:42 Rhoda 3:42 Dr. Diane Witt: It is possible that mirror neurons may play a role in social bonding, but it is equally possible that classical conditioning (think Pavlov's dog salivating after a bell rings) of oxytocin or vasopressin release could be involved in social bonding. A perfect example is the classical release of oxytocin that women experience when they are lactating and they hear a baby cry which induces milk letdown. In addition, the fine tuning of the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system are key for maintaining the social bond. Thursday February 9, 2012 3:42 Dr. Diane Witt 3:46 [Comment From Sherry Marts Sherry Marts : ] How well do current research methods distinguish between what is going on within an animal's brain and what is going on in the researcher's brain - by which I mean anthropomorphizing the animal's behavior or even their biochemistry? Thursday February 9, 2012 3:46 Sherry Marts 3:46 Marc Bekoff: This is a great question. I think that the charge of being "too anthropomorphic" is way overblown in that we HAVE to use human terms to describe, interpret, and explain what other animals are feeling. Charles Darwin put for the notion of of evolutionary continuity arguing that the differences among species are differences in degree, rather than kind. So, the bumper sticker for continuity is "If we have something, "they" (other animals) have it too. WE ARE NOT INSERTING SOMETHING HUMAN IN OTHER ANIMALS THAT THEY DON'T HAVE. And across mammals we know that we all share the same structures in the limbic system that are important in feeling emotions. I've written about anthropomorphism being self-serving double-talk and refer you to an essay I wrote for Psychology Today on this. One more thing - most people including researchers now don't seem to worry that much about being anthropomorphic because when done carefully we really do learn a lot about other animals and also are very good at predicting their behavior. Thursday February 9, 2012 3:46 Marc Bekoff 3:51 [Comment From Jason H Jason H : ] In terms of a scientific understanding of emotions, what kind of advances do you see possibly coming in the next 5 to 10 years? Thursday February 9, 2012 3:51 Jason H 3:51 Dr. Diane Witt: Advances that allow us to explore the genetic and epigenetic underpinnings of emotions and what it means in terms of individual variability in behavior would offer insight into how social organizations might have evolved and how individuals survive. For humans, refinement of imaging techniques would allow for temporal resolution in understanding the neuroanatomy, neurocircuitry (optogenetics) and behavior associated with emotional responses. Such integrative approaches will require input from multiple scientific and engineering disciplines. ... 3:58 [Comment From Marty Zahn Marty Zahn : ] Going back to the question/answer about pheromones, you said that we lose out on a lot of information because our sense of smell is relatively poor. Do we have to be consciously aware of an odor (read pheromone) for it to influence our behavior. Thursday February 9, 2012 3:58 Marty Zahn 3:58 Marc Bekoff: Good follow-up Marty .,. No, we don't have to be conscious aware of an odor to show a response. Indeed, some suggest that a good deal of our behavior is influenced by stimuli of which we're consciously unaware. The important message is that we need to pay close attention to those senses that are most salient to other animals and not assume they're like us. Consider, for example, ultrasound in bats and infrasound in cetaceans and elephants. Thursday February 9, 2012 3:58 Marc Bekoff 4:01 [Comment From Karin K. Karin K. : ] Dr. Witt, you mentioned the classical example of the release of oxytocin that women experience when they are lactating and they hear a baby cry which induces milk letdown. Is it also possible that humans who feel a very high level of compassion for suffering animals (incl. human animals) have a larger release level of oxytocin [or other neural chemical(s)] that precedes this higher level of compassion? Likewise, is it possible that people who generally feel (and thus also express) a lower level of compassion for suffering animals are lacking sufficient levels of such neural chemicals? Thursday February 9, 2012 4:01 Karin K. 4:01 Dr. Diane Witt: Most of the research to date on the field of social bonding has focused on the process of bonding and the associated release of neurochemicals, but less is known about the object of the attachment. We know most about sign stimulus value of the offspring during the mother/infant bond, but it is difficult to factor in the role that compassion might play when exploring the human/animal bond. Research in this area is needed. ... Additional reading: Oozing toward love Swordtail fish pee aphrodisiac Successful flies make love, not war Today's Guests Marc Bekoff Marc Bekoff is professor emeritus of Ecology and Evolutionary Biology at the University of Colorado, Boulder. He has published many essays and books, including The emotional live of animals. His homepage is marcbekoff.com and with Jane Goodall, http://www.ethologicalethics.org/. Diane M. Witt Dr. Diane M. Witt has served for the last nine years as the Neural Systems Cluster leader and a Program Director at the National Science Foundation. Previously, she conducted neuroscience research at the National Institutes of Health and Binghamton University in upstate New York. Dr. Witt earned her PhD at the University of Maryland at College Park and her BS and MS at the University of Illinois at Urbana - Champaign.

Pentru un cuplu foarte fericit - Improspateaza-ti memoria

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