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Five Love Languages Examples – Different Ways to Show Love
Saying I Love You in Different Languages
Before the tips, a quip:
“The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love,” writes Gary Chapman in The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. “It is a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate.”
“Words of affirmation” is one love language. It sounds complicated, but all it means is saying good, kind, loving things to your partner. Words of affirmation increase the chances that your partner will respond with his own words of love, creating an upward spiral!
And here are several practical ways to say “I love you”…
How to Express Love With “Words of Affirmation”
When was the last time you told your partner how wonderful he is, how much he means to you, and why you love him? Words of affirmation are encouraging, kind, and supportive. What does your partner do well? What do you love about him? Tell him.Here’s an example of this love language from Gary Chapman: “Allison always wanted to be a writer, but after receiving her first rejection slip from the publisher, she gave up. One evening her husband Keith came into the den and said, “I just finished reading your article. Allison, you are an excellent writer. This stuff ought to be published! Your words paint pictures that I can visualize. You have to submit this stuff to some magazines.” Ten years later, Allison has had several articles published and has her first book contract. She credits her success to Keith’s words of encouragement. Perhaps your spouse has untapped potential in one or more areas of life. That potential may be awaiting your encouraging words.” Helping your partner achieve her goals is one of the best ways to say “I love you”!
How to Express Love With the “Gifts” Love Language
Sometimes gifts are an easy way to show your love – unless you’re married to someone like me, who doesn’t want more stuff! But many people see gifts as a tangible object that says, “I was thinking about you. I love you.”Here’s a creative way to say I love you: “I purchased a meteorite that was carved into a heart for a pendant,” says Kurtis Hemmerling, a Suite101 Contributing Writer. “Then I wrote a poem about how love is like the meteorite that comes from ‘heaven’ and must survive the intense heat and challenges.” Comparing your love to something as eternal and finite as the galaxy is a creative way to show love!
How to Express Love With “Acts of Service”
This is my favorite way to receive love: practical acts of service. I love that my husband does the dishes every night and takes care of all the household repairs (even changing the lightbulbs!).Sandra Williams, the Canadian Fiction Feature Writer on Suite101, agrees: “My ‘language of love’ is acts of service,” says. “Washing the dishes, doing the laundry, or scrubbing the floor is romantic. Adding chocolate to any of these would be a bonus.”
But wait, there’s more:
Express Love With the “Quality Time” Love Language
Quality time is about the experiences you share with your sweetheart. How do you spend your time together? Quality time isn’t watching tv together over dinner, or sitting side-by-side while you work on your laptops.Sometimes, quality time is about sacrifice, which may be a different way to show love…
“Sacrifice often spells love for me,” says Katrena Wells, who writes for Seniors’ Health/Medicare on Suite101. “When I see someone going to a nursing home every day to feed lunch to a spouse who has Alzheimer’s and doesn’t remember who he/she is any more, that’s true love in my book. It’s often about the things that few people ever know about that can make a deep impression. Love doesn’t have to have an audience or a standing ovation…it’s just simply living it.”
“My late husband and I owned a business for 31 years and I feel that our kids got the short end of our time. They may not agree, but nevertheless, now I can be there for the grandkids. Their sick days home from school, an overnight now and then when mom and dad need a night out. They know they can call on me.” ~ June Smith, a Suite101 Contributing Writer.
Express Love With the “Physical Touch” Love Language
“Numerous research projects in the area of child development have come to the same conclusion: babies who are held, hugged, and touched tenderly develop a healthier emotional life than those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact,” writes Chapman in The 5 Love Languages. “Almost instinctively in a time of crisis we hug one another. Why? Because physical touch is a powerful communicator of love.”I’m not as into hugs and wrestling as my husband is, and I have to constantly remind myself to reach out physically. That’s the tricky part of the five love languages: showing love in ways that are different to you, but how your partner receives love.
“One of my ways to show love is to massage his tired back or hugging him for no reason, writing a poem, telling him I love him just out of the blue, or surprising him with gift or his favorite dish.” ~ Suite101 Contributing Writer Linette Rabsatt.
A final thought on the different ways to say “I love you”…
“Sometimes love is allowing something to be done for you even when it is not exactly the thing you want or like,” says Christine Eirschele, Suite101 Feature Writer for Flower Gardens. “For example, your kids who make breakfast in bed but the eggs are wrong or the kitchen is a mess. Or the husband who wants to buy you something but you know the ‘something’ is something he really wants more.”
If you have trouble expressing love, read 80 Ways to Say “I Love You”.
How do you show your love – and how do you receive it? I welcome your comments on the five love languages below.
To learn more about the love languages, read The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.
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ReplyDeleteThe Quiz
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ReplyDeleteNurturing a grown-up is giving him what he wants, not what you think he needs. Nurturing a grown-up is not tolerating what you do not want. Not tolerating him treating himself badly or carelessly if it is damaging to you or his relationship with you, this means smoking, eating badly, not working, never leaving the house.
And you do it not by telling him what he needs to do and helping him do it, but by telling him how angry it makes you feel when it’s happening. Or telling him how good it feels when he does something that makes you happy. Let him figure out how to take responsibility for making you and the relationship happy – on his end of it.
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Most of the time, the words we use have far less impact than the energy behind the words.
Therefore, what you say is often not what the other person hears. The energy behind a communication is determined by our INTENTION.
In much of the communication between partners, there are two different intentions that can motivate any given communication: we are often either intent upon controlling the other person, or intent upon learning about ourselves and our partner.
How to romance your boyfriend or spouse?
ReplyDeleteIf your son was attempting algebra and didn’t understand it, you wouldn’t cry because he didn’t love you. As a mom, we’d sit down, and go over it again and again, for as long as it took until he understood.
Yet, we expect our husbands to know something that they’ve never been taught. Instead of leaving your man to struggle, show him how to romance you. How will he know what to do if you don’t show him? So, how can you teach him how to romance you?
1. Be romantic yourself.
If you show him that you value him and love him on a regular basis, instead of expecting him to be the romantic one, he’ll be more receptive to trying it himself. The old saying “You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” definitely applies. Yelling and crying because he isn’t romantic isn’t exactly going to put him in the lovey mood.
2. Tell him what you like.
Do you enjoy expensive gifts or would you rather have him make something for you? Would you like him to go on walks with you? Give you cut flowers or live plants? Make a list of every birthday, anniversary and holiday and include ideas for things he can buy or do for you. Set him up to succeed.
3. Learn what he likes.
The same thing stands for him. Know what makes him happy. Please don’t buy him an expensive gift if he’s the frugal type. He won’t like it. Don’t take him to a fancy French restaurant if he’s a Burger kind of guy. It’s ok to take him there for your birthday, but don’t take him there for his birthday.
If he loves sports, then go to them with him. Please initiate romance. So often, women just get more and more resentful that they aren’t feeling romanced and their man has no clue what to do to fix it.
There really should be a required romance course before you can get your marriage license. At least that way, men would, at some point in time, learn how to be romantic. Until then, it’s our job to show him just what we want and need to feel special.
Now go Romance Your Man!
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